It's been a long time coming.

It's been awhile since I've updated my blog. :( I know everyone is heartbroken. However, a lot has happened in the weeks that have went by.

So far, Summer has been full of it's ups and downs, but for the most part, the ups outweigh the downs by a large margin. On the up side, I've hung out with friends, I got to visit Chicago, I made sort of a new friend. Downs, I've been lied to, hurt, and people have left my life. But with all that aside, my summer has been full of memories and nights that I'll remember for a long time to come.

I'm getting excited but also saddened by the starting of school. While I still have a couple more weeks of summer, it's still coming to fast. When school starts I'll be super busy. I'll have class on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Then I have cheerleading practice on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday. Then mixed into all of that I'll have games to cheer at. It seems so overwhelming right now. I don't know what to think about it all. I'm glad I'll be busy and that I'll get to form bonds with more people however, I will be exhausted. I'm looking forward to almost being done with Lakeland. Don't get me wrong, I'm liking it a little better than I did the last semesters but still it's not my place.

I've been looking into some schools. Not too heavily though, however, I'm really having a hard time deciding what to do. On one hand I want to get my Sign Language Interpreting Certificate and on the other hand I just don't know. If I go to school for the Certificate then that is two years out of my life and I still won't have a degree worth anything. I just don't know how people decide what they want out of life. It's hard. Also, with transferring schools I'm worried I won't be able to afford it, and I know there are loans and stuff like that but I don't want to go into debt. That would just suck. College should be free...or at least cheaper.

I'm still super excited about Cheerleading. I feel like it validates me. It gives me something to be proud about. Whether or not I'm the best, I still feel like it sometimes and that's all that matters.

Oh...so My life sort of has sucked a little lately. My cell phone (samsung impression) that I've had for almost four months broke. I turned it off one night like two weeks ago and it still hasn't turned back on. Why? It's stupid. Also, my car has broken down on me twice in the last week. I hate electronics and crappy vehicles. I'm trying to convince my dad to buy me a new car. I don't think it's working but oh well I'm still bugging him.

All in all, I'm really excited to pick out school supplies, and clothes! :) Fun Fun Fun...

I'm out yo!

Right Now.

I'm happier than I've been in a while, but at the same time I'm more let down than I have been too. As things look up, it always seems that not everything can be positive. There must be negatives lining the bottom of all good things. There is a catch to everything and a plus to it as well. Friendship is a tricky thing. You have to get close enough to know each other, to be yourself around someone. However, you cannot cross that line and develop feelings, that when things get out of hand. The excuses start to come up and nothing can be the same. It's as though, if you do develop feelings for a friend, it's not even worth it to be honest about these feelings, because chances are, they won't be honest about theirs. They may seem like they are on board, or that they have their reasons for their feelings, but chances are they will lie to protect you. They won't even realize that they hurt you when they do. It hurts to know that someone you consider your friend will not be honest with you, after you develop deeper feelings. It makes you question whether they were truly your friend or not. The biggest disguise for not furthering a relationship is "I don't want to loose you as a friend." Honestly, how does this make sense. By saying this, you've already hurt the other person, and their feelings for you have changed in that instant. It's hard to pretend that nothing has happened, or that you understand, but you can't. It doesn't make sense. Also, if you like someone be honest, why hide it, and if you don't be honest if another person expresses their feelings for you. You shouldn't tell them one thing and really feel another, feelings are sensitive things especially for inexperienced teenagers. Lies can hurt much more than just being honest. Don't lie to protect people or soften the blow. Be honest!

However, Happiness is a good thing. Being a cheerleader again makes me so happy. I feel worth while, I feel like I belong, I feel like I am me. Cheerleading is something I love, and whether you support me or not in it, I don't care. It's something I truly love and that won't change. It is more than chants, and stunts. It helps me feel good about myself. Cheerleading helps me feel better about my life and circumstance.

Feelings aside, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm trying to decide what I want out of my life, what I want to do with my life, where I want to go. It's so difficult to figure out who you are in a town/area that won't let you be you without criticism. It's hard to express yourself, and your opinions to closed minded people. Also, It's hard to tell people what you want to do with your life, when they don't understand or truly care. When the only thing they care about is how much money you'll make.

All in all, life is short, full of decisions, hardships, and liars. Make the most of the time we've been given and live happy or at least try.

Dear Life,

I am so happy that the drama that nearly took over my entirely life is gone with for the most part. It will however randomly pop up in my life from day to day, but the overwhelming ridiculousness that it was is indeed over. Or so I believe. In an early post, I wished for my life to calm down. Well it has and it has not.
I'm glad that it has not. Things aren't the way they were before, I don't know if this is for the good or the bad. But inevitably, things have changed and life has begun to move on. While things fade out of my life, others bloom into existence. I think it's time I start thinking for myself 100% and stop listening to my peers. I won't go anywhere in life, if I listen to everyone else. I need to focus on me, and my thoughts. I should accept opinions but I shouldn't live by them in any manner. I'm learning that life has secrets up it's sleeves, and it can change course at any moment, so you need to be flexible and prepared the best you can to cope with what may come. If you are planted to firmly, or not planted at all then you can be shaken by the littlest of things. If you have a mediocre anchor to the ground then you should be okay when things come along.
I've also learned to expect things to change. No matter how much you believe, wish, and talk about how they never will. They will indeed change. It may be minute but it may be the biggest change you've ever seen. You're perceptions of people and their actions may not always go unchanging. This is the time we need to examine the situation and determine if we still want to be there or not.
Enough with the bad, The last few weeks of my life have been some of the best. When you think you are slipping away from someone, it's amazing how something can draw you right back together. Along with good times, have come new experiences, and new friends. People I never thought I'd be friends with, now seem pretty cool. I found that out on my own. If I had just listened to my peer then I wouldn't have seen the cool side to this person. New experiences are fun and scary. As long as you have good friends by your side and a safe haven then you will be alright. Go out have fun, don't stay inside and be lame. Get some excitement.
Just as awesome as experiences are there, they are gone. All that is left is inside jokes and memories. Hold on tight, and don't wish to go back. Live and make new experiences and memories because chances are if you were to go back, you would only find that it wasn't as fun as you remembered.
All in all, think for yourself. Be you. Do something. Have fun. Think Creatively and above all don't care what others think. It's your life, not theirs and their opinions don't matter!

Karl!