Right Now.

I'm happier than I've been in a while, but at the same time I'm more let down than I have been too. As things look up, it always seems that not everything can be positive. There must be negatives lining the bottom of all good things. There is a catch to everything and a plus to it as well. Friendship is a tricky thing. You have to get close enough to know each other, to be yourself around someone. However, you cannot cross that line and develop feelings, that when things get out of hand. The excuses start to come up and nothing can be the same. It's as though, if you do develop feelings for a friend, it's not even worth it to be honest about these feelings, because chances are, they won't be honest about theirs. They may seem like they are on board, or that they have their reasons for their feelings, but chances are they will lie to protect you. They won't even realize that they hurt you when they do. It hurts to know that someone you consider your friend will not be honest with you, after you develop deeper feelings. It makes you question whether they were truly your friend or not. The biggest disguise for not furthering a relationship is "I don't want to loose you as a friend." Honestly, how does this make sense. By saying this, you've already hurt the other person, and their feelings for you have changed in that instant. It's hard to pretend that nothing has happened, or that you understand, but you can't. It doesn't make sense. Also, if you like someone be honest, why hide it, and if you don't be honest if another person expresses their feelings for you. You shouldn't tell them one thing and really feel another, feelings are sensitive things especially for inexperienced teenagers. Lies can hurt much more than just being honest. Don't lie to protect people or soften the blow. Be honest!

However, Happiness is a good thing. Being a cheerleader again makes me so happy. I feel worth while, I feel like I belong, I feel like I am me. Cheerleading is something I love, and whether you support me or not in it, I don't care. It's something I truly love and that won't change. It is more than chants, and stunts. It helps me feel good about myself. Cheerleading helps me feel better about my life and circumstance.

Feelings aside, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I'm trying to decide what I want out of my life, what I want to do with my life, where I want to go. It's so difficult to figure out who you are in a town/area that won't let you be you without criticism. It's hard to express yourself, and your opinions to closed minded people. Also, It's hard to tell people what you want to do with your life, when they don't understand or truly care. When the only thing they care about is how much money you'll make.

All in all, life is short, full of decisions, hardships, and liars. Make the most of the time we've been given and live happy or at least try.